TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
