Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize