He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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