I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
