he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
