I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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