do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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