Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
