I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
