Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
