dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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