I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
