need another drink. this is the easiest way
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
