p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
