The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
