he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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