John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
