Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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