You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm passing your future prison.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
