i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
