I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
