420 ftw
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
