Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who died my cat blue again?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
