I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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