we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
