No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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