For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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