My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
