Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
