No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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