hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
