The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
honey bunches of taint.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
