I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
