I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
