I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
