And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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