There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
