new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
