He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
