If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
