By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
