You're my little dorito
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
