can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
two words: eviction party
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
