At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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