she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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