I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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