You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
