Say something about gay babies.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't turn off my feet"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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