Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
