She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Green mimosas i think yes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize