i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
