May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize