i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
