I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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