Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
