i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
