Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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