So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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