yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
