honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
