shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
