In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he thought i was a dude.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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