you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
