What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
