i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
