There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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