come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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