in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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