My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
