Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
