i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I did not marry a roomba.
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