man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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