in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
