God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
