i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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