just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
