Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
