I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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