4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
