Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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