How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pants are for mortals
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize