Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
