he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
