his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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