need another drink. this is the easiest way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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