Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
