After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
