I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
