the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
