I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
