Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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