Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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