Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My bed smells like the plague
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
