I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
