Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
