There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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