I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
