She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
