How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
