I am spending my child support on dildos
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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