stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
